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   Hey, sorry for my absence in this community. Anyway, I wrote out a short entry forever ago so I may as well just post what I have.

    In Henri J.M. Nouwen's The Genesee Diary I've found that in my own way, I can almost relate to some of the things he says. I know I'm not in a place surrounded by monks in an attempt to devote my time to finding God, but it seems I am spending some of my time searching for something. I may not find what I'm looking for in a book, a movie, a song, or even outside my own front door. I don't think it's something I'll find in the next five minutes, maybe not even in the next five years. 

   One of the things I've noticed Henri mention, is that while having the desire to be alone, he's scared to be left alone. He doesn't want everyone to forget about him. I can say I've felt that way before and still do sometimes. You want someone to notice you when you're not there. I like what he says about not running away from how we feel inside. I know I'm not the only one who has tried that one. He says, "Do not run away from your inner feelings even when they seem fearful. By following them through you will understand them better and be more free to look for new ways when the old ways run into a blank wall." Just something to think about...


     When it comes to Thomas Merton, I've been reading his journals again.

"You have to distinguish what is ugly in you and what is willed by you and what is ugly - or silly - and not willed. The latter is never really interesting, because it is usually quiet unreal." ~Thomas Merton

Not to seem like I'm trying to push anyone towards a certain religion, that's not at all what I'm trying to do. I just find some of these quotes interesting.

"Prayer should not only draw God down to us: it should lift us up to Him. It should not rest in His reflection (which the soul, still resting in the house of the body, finds within itself). It should rise out of the body and seek to leave this life in order to rest in Him." ~Thomas Merton

 "We talk of God when He has gone from us (we are far from Him and His nearness remains to accuse us!) we live as if God existed for our sakes, figuring that we exist for him. We forget that we are the matter and His grace is the form imposed upon us by His wisdom. Does the clay understand the work of the potter? Does it not allow itself to be formed into a vessel of election? The truth is formed in silence and work and suffering - with which we become true. But we interfere with God's work by talking too much about ourselves - even telling Him what we ought to do - advising Him how to make us perfect and listening for his voice to answer us with approval. We soon grow impatient and turn aside from the silence that disturbs us and invent the answer and the approval which will never come." ~Thomas Merton

  "When you have not found what you are looking for, you pretend in your eagerness to have found it. You act as if you had found it. You spend your time telling yourself what you have found and yet do not want." ~Thomas Merton

  "It is important, also, to be in conflict with the people you live with in order that the differences between you may be composed in sacrifice and without anger. It is a merciful relief to see someone against you and you come from solitude with an eagerness to be charitable, to be good, to give up your own self which is the thing you have grown most tired of. Whereas, when you are alone, it is sometimes difficult to see how you are going to get rid of yourself. When you are with others, an opportunity soon arises." ~Thomas Merton


   Well, I think that's enough quoets for now. I'll try to make another update on here soon.





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